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Elle Lothlorien Quotes | Quotes said by Elle Lothlorien

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #1

    . I’ve watched about a dozen tourists almost get hit by cars since I’ve been here. I barely made it to the beach alive the other day. I mean, no one knows what they’re doing. They swing their heads back and forth like they’re mounted on a door hinge, but they don’t even know what they’re looking for, not really. Cars just come at you from all sorts of unnecessary directions here, and we’re all probably going to get killed.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #2

    ...once I realized that Australia’s top highway speed of 110 kilometers per hour was the same as going 65 in the U.S., all my hardened American enthusiasm for speed went limp until it felt like the car was hardly moving at all. Even worse, most stretches of the highway are restricted to 60 kilometers per hour, which is how fast Americans go when we’re, like, passing a stopped school bus disembarking small children, or driving through a herd of puppies in the road.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #3

    After one and a half cocktails, finding the appropriate response is a bit of a challenge. I finally say, 'Thank you for inviting me,' and leave the less desirable 'Want to play strip poker?' in the unscrupulous part of my brain where it belongs.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #4

    Alice, I am the game, and trust me: you don’t want to play me.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #5

    Alice, it took big, dumb Talon Dodo thirty seconds to get you so pissed about a poker hand pun that you were about to beat him to death with your cane.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #6

    Alice, winning means manipulation. It means taking people—people who may have helped you in the past, even people you care about—and using them without hesitation or regret. It means making decisions that would be viewed by any normal-thinking human being as cynical at best and dishonorable at worst

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #7

    Alice, you might be the product of the biggest ball of ignorance, confidence, and good fortune the universe has ever manufactured. But if you’re thinking that you can take your results at the virtual tables and your grand tactic of Ignorance Is Bliss, and make that work for the Main Event, forget it—it WON'T.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #8

    Alice? You didn’t get this far without realizing that you don’t have to cheat to win. You just have to accept that people are easily manipulated.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #9

    And just so you know—that winter forest we walked into first? That was from Through the Looking Glass too. Hey, if you’re going to saddle me with the blame for your overconsumption, at least get the book right.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #10

    Are we turning back? Because if you’re just trying to solve my post-traumatic stress problem by exposing me to rock sharks until I’m desensitized, trust me—that ship has sailed.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #11

    Are you referring to the day you instructed me to ‘follow the white rabbit,’ plied me with absinthe and brownies, and tried to have your way with me? Didn’t take long for you to lose your romantic streak, did it?

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #12

    Are you saying that you need an attorney? For what? As far as I know, being a dick isn’t against the law in any country.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #13

    As you know, the International Poker Tour, by its own admission, knows very little about poker games, one of which ended tragically last week when an IPT-sanctioned tournament aboard a yacht in Australia accidentally used tarot cards instead of playing cards. That’s right, it’s true! Apparently no one noticed until someone laid down a full house and the dealer died.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #14

    Australians are descended from a boatload of English convicts, right? So two hundred years in isolation at the bottom of the planet is plenty of time for the language to evolve into some sort of double-speak prison slang.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #15

    Aw, you’re nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #16

    Basic economic theory. People behave differently based on how much they think something’s worth. Because everyone got their chips for free, people made huge bets on every hand—no matter what they were holding. People who play with everything on the line—for real—don’t act like that.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #17

    Because trying to think of how to ask a woman you’ve known for exactly two days if she’d be willing to get into a car with you and take a road trip across the country was something I hadn’t quite worked up to yet.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #18

    By the way, don’t thank me for saving you, thank the lifeguards. If it was up to me, I would’ve just carried you off to the building by the boardwalk that said SURGERY. I’m sorry, but there’s a big difference between a family doctor treating you for the sniffles, and a guy who actually owns and knows how to use an operating table.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #19

    Congratulations, Mousey, you’ve managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #20

    Did the Ancient Greeks ever write anything funny—like slapstick? I mean, I think I speak for everyone when I say that there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of well-written physical comedy.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #21

    Did you forget a dentist appointment or something, big guy? Where the hell did you hop off to?

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #22

    Did you think your boyfriend was going to stick around and watch you do THAT? If we weren’t related, I would’ve left too. Actually…is it already too late for me to leave?

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #23

    Didn’t you read the invitation? There’s going to be a game in a little while--the big Twister game in an hour. Make sure you eat plenty of bread.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #24

    Do you ever answer anything in a way that people expect you to?

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #25

    Do you really think I’d let him call my sister a ‘bitch?’ Or you for that matter? Talon Hawk’s dumb, but he’s smarter than that…he’d be crawling around on his hands and knees picking his teeth off the tiles.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #26

    Don’t be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas don’t travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and kangaroos travel in photo-ops.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #27

    Don’t make me Alice-nap you, Alice. Because you know I can carry you.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #28

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but Australians have a LOT of bitches on their cashola.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #29

    Don’t worry, little bunny, we only use our triplet telepathic powers for good.

  • Elle Lothlorien Quote #30

    Enjoy your little run because there’s no way you get off this boat without her trying to slice your Achilles in half.

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