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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes | Quotes said by Rodney Dangerfield

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #1

    A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.


  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #2

    At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #3

    I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #4

    I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #5

    I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #6

    I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #7

    I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #8

    I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #9

    I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #10

    I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #11

    I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #12

    I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #13

    I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #14

    I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #15

    I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #16

    It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #17

    Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #18

    My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #19

    My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #20

    My wife and I were happy for twenty year. Then we met.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #21

    My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #22

    My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #23

    My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #24

    My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #25

    Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #26

    The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #27

    This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #28

    We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #29

    What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

  • Rodney Dangerfield Quote #30

    What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

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