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Bill Watterson Quotes | Quotes said by Bill Watterson

  • Bill Watterson Quote #1

    [Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.]
    Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a Double word score box!
    Hobbes: ZQFMGB isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel!
    Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that!
    Hobbes: I'm looking it up.
    Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js!
    Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB?
    Calvin: 957.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #2

    As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #3

    As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #4

    At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #5

    BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL!

  • Bill Watterson Quote #6

    Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?!
    Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to.
    Calvin: Oh.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #7

    Calvin: The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action.
    Once you are informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray.
    You realize nothing is as clear as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing.
    Being a man of action, I cannot afford to take that risk.

    Hobbes: You're ignorant, but at least you act on it.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #8

    Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
    Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
    Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #9

    CALVIN:
    As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #10

    CALVIN:
    Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #11

    CALVIN:
    This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?
    If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?
    And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?
    HOBBES:
    I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday?
    CALVIN:
    Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #12

    CALVIN:
    When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #13

    Calvin:It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?
    Television: ...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet

  • Bill Watterson Quote #14

    Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars! - Calvin

    Flatulence could be all the rage, but it would still be disgusting. - Calvin's mom

  • Bill Watterson Quote #15

    Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential — as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth.

    You’ll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear about them.

    To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #16

    Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?

  • Bill Watterson Quote #17

    From now on I’ll connect the dots my own way.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #18

    From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #19

    Genius is never understood in its own time.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #20

    Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?

  • Bill Watterson Quote #21

    History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #22

    Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
    Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!

  • Bill Watterson Quote #23

    Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win!
    Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg!
    [Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming Aaaaaaaaaaaa, then falls over.]
    Hobbes: Look, it's just a game.
    Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!

  • Bill Watterson Quote #24

    HOBBES:
    All this modern technology just makes people try to do everything at once.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #25

    HOBBES:
    If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #26

    HOBBES:
    Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #27

    Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK?

  • Bill Watterson Quote #28

    How come we play war and not peace?
    Too few role models.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #29

    I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.

  • Bill Watterson Quote #30

    I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.

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