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Josh Stern Quotes | Quotes said by Josh Stern

  • Josh Stern Quote #1

    A watched pot never boils.... but it does develop paranoia

  • Josh Stern Quote #2

    An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet

  • Josh Stern Quote #3

    Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity

  • Josh Stern Quote #4

    At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control

  • Josh Stern Quote #5

    Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down

  • Josh Stern Quote #6

    Behind every successful man, is a Woman breathing through her mouth

  • Josh Stern Quote #7

    Blood is thicker than water, and so is diarrhea

  • Josh Stern Quote #8

    Blood is thicker than water, but they still use corn starch as a thickener on cooking shows

  • Josh Stern Quote #9

    Come Hell or High Water usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

  • Josh Stern Quote #10

    Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are

  • Josh Stern Quote #11

    Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months

  • Josh Stern Quote #12

    Death is life's way of telling you, you've been recalled

  • Josh Stern Quote #13

    Do the thing you fear, and the death of your underwear is certain

  • Josh Stern Quote #14

    Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....?

  • Josh Stern Quote #15

    Don't be so hard on yourself....that's what a loofah's for

  • Josh Stern Quote #16

    Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity

  • Josh Stern Quote #17

    Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

  • Josh Stern Quote #18

    Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..'

    I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over

  • Josh Stern Quote #19

    Everyone comes with baggage, make sure you get one that comes with a rack

  • Josh Stern Quote #20

    Everything is a drive-thru. You just have to aim really fast

  • Josh Stern Quote #21

    Flying is simple. Hitting the ground is hard

  • Josh Stern Quote #22

    Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings

  • Josh Stern Quote #23

    I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear

  • Josh Stern Quote #24

    I hate carrying a torch, which is weird because otherwise I'm such a pyromaniac

  • Josh Stern Quote #25

    I hate pulling out... I mean, I'm really bad at the whole parking thing....

  • Josh Stern Quote #26

    I have a keen sense of the oblivious

  • Josh Stern Quote #27

    I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!

  • Josh Stern Quote #28

    I like my coffee like I like myself....making rustling noises inside a burlap bag

  • Josh Stern Quote #29

    I love shark week, all kids swim for free

  • Josh Stern Quote #30

    I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free

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