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Joan Bauer Quotes | Quotes said by Joan Bauer

  • Joan Bauer Quote #1

    a man who was, as we say in the restaurant business, one taco short of a combo platter.


  • Joan Bauer Quote #2

    And I suddenly understand what to do when bad things come. You don't hide, you don't look away; you get right up on them, you take the reins and you ride.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #3

    But then Macon smiled at me. Just be yourself, Foster. That's the best thing in the world.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #4

    Ellie: You could lie to me. You could tell me to be encouraged, that good will triumph over evil.
    Richard: Good will triumph over evil.
    Ellie: Liar.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #5

    Guys don't understand great art. They don't care that sometimes the camera has power beyond the photographer to record emotion that only the heart can see. They're threatened when the camera jumps ahead of me. Todd Kovich was pissed when I brought my Nikon to the prom, but I'd missed too many transcendent shots over the years to ever take a chance of missing one again. A prom, I told him, had a boundless supply of photogenic bozos who could be counted on to do something base.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #6

    How are things with you, sir?
    Fine. He says it flat.Coffee black. BLT.
    Now my heart tells me this guy needs more in life, so I take a short. You ever had a cheese burger with grilled onions and mushrooms on pumpernickel, sir?
    That takes a minute to sink in.
    Then he slaps the counter, grinning. Bring it on.
    I sense he needs more.
    You want a malt with that, by any chance?
    He did, of course. Chocolate, he says, beaming like a kid.
    Now he's loosening up.
    It's a privilege to touch humanity in such a fashion.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #7

    Huevos up. Swing up to the window, swing back to Al B. Hall, who says, Bless you, and would I get him a bottle of Satan's Red-Hot Revenge for the eggs?
    Sure thing, Pastor.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #8

    I don't do normal. I have a reputation to uphold. (Thwonk)

  • Joan Bauer Quote #9

    I flopped on the overstuffed kitchen couch and watched him go. I wondered what would happen to all his films and photographs in the upstairs closet - the documentaries on homelessness and drug addiction, the funny short subjects, the half-finished romantic comedy, the boxes of slice-of-life photographs that spoke volumes about the human condition. I wondered how you stop caring about what you've ached over, sweated over. (Thwonk)

  • Joan Bauer Quote #10

    I nearly tripped over Stieglitz, my dog, a forty-pound black-and-white keeshond (pronounced caze-hawnd) furball. He lunged at me with unbridled glee because the mere sight of my presence always made his day. It's important to have a dog. Dogs love unconditionally. (Thwonk)

  • Joan Bauer Quote #11

    I'm working hard to have a good life.
    You don't need fancy things to feel good.
    You can hug a puppy.
    You can buy a can of paint and surround yourself with color.
    You can plant a flower and watch it grow.
    You can decide to trust people, the right people.
    You can decide to start over and let other people start over, too.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #12

    If she's really psychic, Zack said when he saw Tanisha's photo at school, why does she need a doorbell?

  • Joan Bauer Quote #13

    It was bad enough not having a boyfriend for New Year's Eve. Now I had to cope with Valentine datelessness, feeling consummate social pressure from every retailer in America who stuck hearts and cupids on their windows by January second to rub it in. (Thwonk)

  • Joan Bauer Quote #14

    It was February sixth: eight days until Valentine's Day. I was dateless, as usual, deep in the vice grip of unrequited love. It was bad enough not having a boyfriend for New Year's Eve. Now I had to cope with Valentine datelessness, feeling consummate social pressure from every retailer in America who stuck hearts and cupids in their windows by January second to rub it in.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #15

    Mom has the Touch. She knows what flowers go with what occasions, what hors d'oeuvres work with what people. She believes passionately in the power of food to heal, restore, and stimulate relationships, and she has built a following of loyal customers who really hope she's right. If she's wrong, says Sonia, no one wants to know.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #16

    Mom put dense cheddar bread into a bag for a man who said this was his wife's favorite - he'd driven all the way from New Jersey to buy it because today was their anniversary. Several women in the store jabbed their husbands on hearing this. I hung my head - Peter Terris wouldn't cross the street to buy me a Twinkie.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #17

    My grandma always said that God made libraries so that people didn't have any excuse to be stupid.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #18

    Now I see that it isn't the problems along the way that make us or break us. It's how we learn to stand and face them that makes the difference.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #19

    On cheap tippers:Don't take it personally; they were deprived somehow as children.
    On low-fat entrees: They sell well enough, but nobody's too happy after the meal.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #20

    People are so cheap. Everyone wants quality, no one wants to pay for it. Here's the suburban dream-- to hire great workers who are such meek morons that they don't have the guts to ask for a living wage.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #21

    Revenge of the Giant Grill Man.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #22

    Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to be who you are.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #23

    There they were, the movers and shakers of Benjamin Franklin Hight - the sports stars, the cheerleaders, the good, the great, the gorgeous - bent over their pizzas.
    Trish sensed my angst and said, My mother says girls like Lisa Shooty get the ultimate curse known to man.
    What's that?
    Too much too soon.
    I looked at poor, cursed Lisa who had been sprayed with sex appeal at birth. She had gleaming teeth and long, raven-black curls. She threw back her head and laughed with diamond-studded joy.
    When do you think the curse takes effect? I asked.
    Not in our lifetime, Trish answered.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #24

    We've got so much in this life that all we know how to do is want more. So we concentrate on the wrong things--things we can see--as being the measure of a person. We think if we win something big or buy something snazzy it'll make us more than we are. Our hearts know that's not true, but the eyes are powerful. It's easier to fix on what we can see than listen to the still, small voice of a whispering heart.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #25

    What kind of kids live in Mulhoney, Wisconsin? Would they like me? Would I like them? Have they ever eaten sushi? That's usually how I determine food sophistication. Maybe a personal ad would get the ball rolling:
    Insightful, hardworking, 16-year-old girl, emotionally generous and witty, seeks friend/pal/chum to while away meaningful hours. Picky eaters need not reply.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #26

    What's wrong with the world, Nana explained, is that people stopped listening to their hearts...
    Not everybody stopped listening, she continued, but enough people did to make a difference. We've go so much in this life that all we know how to do is want more. So we concentrate on the wrong things--things we can see--as being the measure of a person. We think if we can win something big or buy something snazzy it'll make us more than we are. Our hearts know that's not true, but the eyes are powerful. It's easier to fix on what we can see than listen to the still, small voice of a whispering heart.
    Nana turned her eyes on me like a vet looking for fleas: A heart will say amazing things if it's given half a chance.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #27

    When you have something so important, something that you'll stay awake for, something you know that you were designed to do, well, it's worth getting a few dark circles, don't you think?

  • Joan Bauer Quote #28

    When you listen to G. T. Stoop, you understand the importance of being a honorable person, you get charged to fight for the truth, you get angry that so many politicians are playing games with people's trust.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #29

    Why do you think, A.J., they say in unison, that you find these boys so attractive?

    I didn't say that this fiery chemical explosion leaps from somewhere inside me. Parents don't want to hear these things. I shrugged and said nothing.

    Maybe you should try sitting on the intensity, Mom suggests, just until your feelings catch up with reality.

    We could chain you to the water heater, Dad offers, until these little moments pass.

    You see what I'm up against.

  • Joan Bauer Quote #30

    You don't mince words.
    Just garlic.

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